I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I wish i was in the wii world.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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