my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
