seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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