hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
