I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
