did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
