i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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