he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
