I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize