My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
