D3 body, D1 cock
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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