Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
