You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
