Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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