she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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