maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
