He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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