Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
