He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
did you just send me my own nude
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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