____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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