i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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