So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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