Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize