I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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