i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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