Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
