when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
