Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
