I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
mondays should just be called national damage control day
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
