nut hugger
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Randomize
