i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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