he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
