Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I woke up under a house in Key West
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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