Small penises have feelings too.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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