The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
