What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
