i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
