Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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