Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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