LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
A+ Viking dick
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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