i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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