I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
