I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
