But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
