she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
