$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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