i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
They are going to name an STD after you.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
