I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
