It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
