This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
