Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
