I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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