plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
