Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
