I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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