too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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