I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
