Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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