why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
