I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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