he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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