You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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